This post took months to write.
Somehow this year life has brought a lot of grief to my door. I started this post in May when someone very dear to me passed away. A while ago, my dog of twelve years passed away.
The above is all I could write that day. Many weeks later, I am trying to finish typing this post about the experience of processing grief in university. Somehow, grief in university is a lot like fall, and the leaves change. Most of us have the privilege of steering clear of grief in our young lives. Yet as we grow older, and become young adults we tend to face many of these new experiences.
I talk much about my freshman year on this blog. Yet maybe, not every part has been covered. I made many new friends that year and although not all are still close to me, it was beautiful getting to make so many new connections. I also lost one of these new friends, in January 2020. He was a new friend, gone too early.
I always struggled to put into words how grief in University feels. Part of it lies in being a new life experience. One most of us at such a young age, are luckily not so acquainted with. From what I have seen, grief is a list of experiences and a process of change. One that has many phases, and can visit us at any time. Yet, I come here to offer some guidance on how to tackle this change, things that have helped me.
Talk about everything
This one, while may sound trivial is the best way to process grief. Talk about the grief you are feeling with your loved ones, friends, and anyone you trust. Being sad is part of processing your grief, and being about to share helps us keep moving.
Accept that you are grieving
Grief never goes away, and that is natural. Once you have loved, you will never stop loving them, and therefore missing them never goes away. It's how they keep living through us. Accept that you will always miss them, and try not to fight it. Wishing they never left should not take over the gratitude for having them in our lives for as long as we did.
Let yourself feel different
Grief, especially in a setting where most around you probably didn't know whoever you lost, can feel isolating. But the reality of it is that you will have different feelings from those around you. That's okay. Allow yourself to feel left out, and tell them about feeling different. They won't understand until you explain.
Share your best memories
Part of accepting grief is learning to cherish their memory. Even if you aren't ready to talk about your feelings. Learn to share your memories of them. Share your favorite moments with them. Your favorite funny stories, their habits you loved. Talk about them. Remember you are never alone
I know this may sound trivial on some days. But when you are reaching for your phone to call someone, often the opposite can feel true. But I promise you are never alone. If you need help, it's okay. Ask for it.
If you or someone you know might need help, here are hotlines to call/other resources: US 1. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline/National Crisis Hotline (800) 273-8255
2. SAMHSA (800) 662-4357
3. Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to 741-741 in the U.S.
4. Lap of Love Pet Loss and Bereavement Resource Line (855) 352-5683
5. CARE Pet Loss Helpline (217) 244-2273
HU
1. LESZ 18 tagszervezettel és 5 éjjel-nappal működő stábbal várja a segítséget igénylők hívásait.
116-123 a nap 24 órájában, minden hálózatról ingyenesen hívható.
2. Az IMSZ a 137-00 zöldszámon érhető el, hétköznapokon 17-21 óra között.
3. https://gyaszportal.hu/indulo-gyaszcsoportok/
Finally, if you ever want to reach out to me, please feel free to!